Testing, Testing…One Line or Two?

Yesterday I had an appointment with my Family Care Physician. I like him well enough, but he spends more time looking at the computer screen with my medical data than he does looking at me. Everything was fine, except that the take home report said I was ‘overweight’. That kind of irritates me, since at 5’11” and 170 lbs. (I’m usually a little lower but I ate some ravioli the night before. OK, more than just ‘some’) I didn’t think that would qualify. Time for Weight Watchers?

He (I’m assuming the doctor uses he/his pronouns, others were not suggested) asked if I wanted a flu shot, and to preserve domestic harmony I agreed. Stoker thinks it is a good idea. I like to remind her that one year I got a flu shot a couple of months before we went on a cruise, specifically because she wanted me to. I got the worst case of flu I’ve ever had on that cruise. Despite sharing close cruise cabin quarters she remained perfectly healthy while I had a miserable fever and chills and body-wide pain.

I intended to do the club ride today, but I woke up with a headache, some general body aches, and I felt listless and tired. I took the dog for a walk instead of driving to Wallace to ride and while Luke was marking his territory I remembered the flu shot. So that’s why I had a headache! The side effects were mild, unless one plans to ride a bike uphill.

I told Diane about my headache, and she said I should take a home Covid test. She got us a whole bunch of them, probably for ‘free’ paid for by some of that massive increase in M2 used to finance the Inflation Reduction Act. Orwell’s ‘Ministry of Truth’ had nothing on the Biden Administration.

Since I don’t have a fever, or any respiratory symptoms at all, the test seemed unnecessary. But there are reasons right now why I need to be like Caesar’s wife, and when it comes to being Covid negative, I must ‘make assurance double sure’. I can’t write about the reason, but take it from me I don’t want to be passing anything to anyone.

So it’s time for my first self performed (self inflicted?) Covid exam. I opened up the test kit, and look what I found:

For some reason, all the Chinese characters and the red star on the ‘Qualification Certificate’ tickled my sense of irony. Maybe Covid came from a bat cave via a wet market. Maybe Covid escaped from a virology lab that just happened to be located where the outbreak occurred and which happened to be working with Covid type viruses to make them stronger so they could be studied. But one thing is pretty much universally accepted: Covid came from China. Only fitting that the test kits should too.

Performing the test is not exactly simple, but the directions were actually clear. Sometimes products come from overseas with instructions that claim to be in English, but might as well be in Mandarin. I could actually follow these pretty easily. Open a couple of vials, swab for 15 seconds in each nostril, soak the swab, put EXACTLY 4 DROPS onto the sample hole and wait 15 minutes. The directions were adamant about the EXACTLY 4 DROPS part. Fewer drops or more drops might cause a hurricane or endanger world peace, as well as make the test unreliable.

One line next to the C means your are Covid free and the test is valid, a second line (next to the T) means get thee to a nunnery or otherwise isolate, STAT! As you can see, I passed. So if anyone that I’m trying to keep from getting Covid gets it, remember I’m like Caesar’s wife.