On a Diet

Giving up something for Lent is a tradition for some Christians. Not eating meat used to be a common abstention, or no alcohol, or even no marital relations. If I had to choose among these three, I’d better get used to eating seafood and tofu.

But now a Chicago area church has some new ideas on the subject:

A church in suburban Chicago has told parishioners it will abstain from performing any music that is associated with White people during the season of Lent.

“In our worship services throughout Lent, we will not be using any music or liturgy written or composed by white people,” the website for the First United Church of Oak Park reads. “Our music will be drawn from the African American spirituals tradition, from South African freedom songs, from Native American traditions, and many, many more.“

The church is also reportedly promoting reflections that it calls “evotionals” which have supported the idea of “fasting from whiteness.“

I found the story on Fox News, so I was suspicious. But I went to the Church’s website, and it is true. They even put a sign up on the front lawn.

I would certainly rather ‘fast from whiteness’ instead of giving up drinking Côtes du Rhône vin rouge for 40 days. But first I have to figure out what ‘fasting from whiteness’ means.

Some things are obvious. No Mozart or Beethoven or Gershwin. No French baguettes, but maybe tortillas are acceptable. Are potatoes Irish and thus white? Maybe Black Irish? I suppose waltzing is off the table, but I am a terrible dancer anyway, whether it is an ethnic step or not. Basketball is ok but golf is questionable, and curling is completely verboten. Duke Ellington and Cab Calloway are fine but put the Glen Miller records away. So I have to be careful when I’m listening to 40’s Junction on Sirius XM, which I do in the car. And forget about Willie’s Roadhouse unless Charlie Pride records are on the playlist.

I will probably make mistakes, but I’m going to give ‘fasting from whiteness’ a shot. Bring on the vodka and the hot links, but put Cosi Fan Tutte on hold. On second thought, is vodka part of ‘whiteness’? It is a component of a White Russian…this is going to be harder than I thought…