Ashes to Ashes

When Diane’s mom passed away last year I wrote a blog about her. People must have liked it, or at least read it. WordPress keeps stats and my blog Remembering Doris really bumped up the page view count. You can find it here if you missed it:

Remembering Doris

Last month Doris’s family gathered to lay her cremains to rest next to her late husband Dave in The Garden of Memories in Waterloo Iowa. The attendees were Doris’s 4 daughters and their husbands, 5 grandchildren bringing 3 spouses, and 7 great grandchildren ages 14 to 2.

Diane and I flew to Cedar Rapids from Sacramento on Friday morning. Early Friday morning; our flight left at 5:10 am. Flying is never fun or comfortable (Air France Business Class is an exception) but this trip was on time and relatively smooth. We even dozed a little. The United hub at the Denver airport was humming, with people everywhere, but we made our connection to Cedar Rapids with plenty of time to spare. The trip home on the following Monday was a bit of an adventure, but that is a subject for another blog.

Arriving at the Cedar Rapids airport, we were greeted by Herky: this is Hawkeye country!

Diane’s sister Cindy and her daughter Sara and grand daughter Brinley picked us up at the traffic free Cedar Rapids airport. After a quick check in at the Hampton Inn we headed to Cindy and her husband John’s house, which was the base of operations for the next 3 days. John is an expert carpenter and he showed me the work he was doing, turning an unfinished basement into a work room and craft room and entertainment room and spare bedroom, with a full bath.

He is also skilled with a barbecue. I had heard of beer can chicken, and even tried making it once. His version used 7 Up instead, and it was delicious. As was the fresh sweet corn we enjoyed with dinner.

Sara’s three children were at the dinner table and I marveled at how polite and well behaved they were. Their ages are something like 8, 10 and 14, but they acted like adults. No teenage boredom or pre-teen hyperactivity. The next day when I accompanied Sara on a grocery run I told her how impressed I was, which probably made her a proud mama. Deservedly so.

Ben is in high school and a new member of a state champion marching band. A few months ago they were raising money for new equipment. Since I have a soft spot for high school musicians I made a fairly generous donation. He sent me a nice note at the time, and now offered up a very mature and sincere thank you in person. Sara and Matt should be proud of their kids.

Diane and her sisters were a little concerned about the plan for Saturday, probably because there really was no plan. Everyone was arriving that afternoon and meeting at the cemetery, and the Hampton Inn had a room reserved for a cocktail hour and dinner afterwards. But the meal plan wasn’t finalized until Friday: they decided to get catering from Olive Garden, and Sara took charge of ordering and picking it up.

About 2 pm we drove from Cedar Rapids to Waterloo where the Garden of Memories is located. This part of Iowa is really pretty, and green, green, green in a way California never is. There are fields of corn and soybeans irrigated by rainfall instead of pumps and sprinklers. What isn’t crop land is either pasture or woodland. The countryside is gently rolling hills, and an occasional silo or barn adds to the bucolic setting.

At the cemetery there were hugs and handshakes all around. This was the largest gathering of the Roberts family since pre-Covid. Kris had the cremains, and the sisters transferred them into an urn, which was placed in a small vault. The sisters put some items associated with Doris into the vault, including some crafting supplies and a small bottle of white wine. “Just a splash” which is what Doris would say when offered more than her usual one glass.

Diane ‘volunteered’ me to kick things off by reading my previous blog as a kind of eulogy. It was better on paper than as a speech, even with a few changes to smooth it out. But it did break the ice and others offered up memories of a wonderful mom and mother in law and grandma. Then we held hands and said The Lord’s Prayer, opened some champagne and drank a toast goodbye. “Just a splash…”

The littlest kids were not at the grave site; Patrick’s wife Megan kept them busy splashing in the hotel pool. But everyone was present at the cocktail hour/dinner back at the Hampton’s private room. The kids had a great time and the adults had fun watching them, but Amelia (the youngest) stole the show. A 2 year old bundle of energy with a non-stop smile, she must have done 5,000 steps just during the dinner. Eventually the party broke up, and I know Diane and her sisters were relieved. Plan or no plan, it was a very nice and touching goodbye.

The next day events moved to John and Cindy’s house, The grandkids had a mini pool to fill and splash in, and splash they did, even though the weather was quite cool and pleasant for summer in Iowa. Little Amelia grabbed the hose and doused her cousins and squeals and splashes entertained the adults sitting out of harms way on the front porch. Diane’s niece Jamie had her dog Fozzy along, and I guess Fozzy knows a dog person when she sees one.

The four brother in laws (or is it brothers in law?) spent most of Sunday afternoon sitting of the front porch watching the little kids and chatting while Diane and her sisters went through hundreds of Doris’s old photos looking for the few worth keeping. Jeff and Mike and John are all guys I like with lots of interesting stories. And the weather was simply incredible, not hot or humid at all, so it was a pleasant afternoon.

The little kids and their parents headed home later Sunday afternoon, but the adults stayed Sunday night. Since there was plenty of left over Olive Garden no one had to cook. More stories, more conversation, some extended goodbyes, and then Kris and Mike drove us back to the hotel. We had an early morning flight so we wouldn’t see them in the morning. That was the plan anyway. Plans change…but that is another blog.

So we all came together to say a final goodbye to Doris and put her next to her husband of over 60 years. A marriage that really was ” ’til death do up part”. As we were ending the grave side activities someone (Mike, I think) pointed out that Diane is now the matriarch of the family. I’ve never been married to a matriarch before.