Fearless Frank Fiori’s Four Front Flats Fiasco

I’m sure Frank would like to add another word that starts with ‘F’ to the title, but he is too much of a gentleman to do so.

The trouble started about 18 miles into the 4th of July club ride from Lodi to The Fruit Bowl. Fearless heeded a call of nature and ventured into a convenient walnut orchard for some privacy. He saw the goat heads but thought they hadn’t gone to seed this early in the season and hadn’t yet developed those spiky thorns that plague Central Valley cyclists. Silly boy.

When he rolled back to the road, he noticed goad heads stuck to his front wheel. He brushed them off, but didn’t realize at least one had penetrated the tire and was looking for a tube to puncture. Flat #1 ensued shortly.

The group waited at the intersection of Duncan and Comstock Roads. Fearless and Russ and Rafi and Marlin rolled up after repairing the tire and we got started. I was in front all the way to Baker Road, but when we made the turn Marlin told me that there were 4 riders behind. I soft pedaled and then G Man caught me and told me Fearless had flatted again. Flat #2 was due to a common mistake that an experienced rider like Frank should not make: he pinched the tube between the bead of the tire and the rim, and soon afterwards it popped.

I rode back to find Rafi and Russ and Frank just finishing repairs to the pinch flat. We rode together back to Baker Road and then all the way to Jack Tone without incident.

About 1/2 mile past Jack Tone Road Fearless stops again with Flat #3. He can’t understand what is happening. He has been checking to see if he can feel anything on the inside of the tire that would puncture the tube, but can’t find the problem. By now Russ and Rafi are gone and it is just Fearless and me. We start up again and incredibly Fearless gets Flat #4.

Fearless has long since used up his supply of tubes and CO2 cartridges. He has borrowed a couple of tubes already from the other guys. I’m his last hope. I give him my spare tube (I carry one even though I’m riding tubeless tires, just in case) and my CO2. He hands me the tire and asks me if I can find anything wrong, because he can’t.

I started feeling the inside of the tire slowly and carefully, and sure enough I detected a small rough spot on the inside and saw the base of a piece of goat head on the outside. Fearless finally removes the tiny piece of puncture vine, and this time the repair doesn’t fail. Rafi and Russ eventually rode back to check on us, and we four finally made it to The Fruit Bowl at least 1/2 hour after the lead riders of our group.

To sum up: Flat #1 due to underestimating goat head danger during a natural break, #2 due to operator error (pinch flat), and #3 and #4 due to operator error (not checking the tire closely enough).

I’m amazed Fearless never used profanity, including the f-word which would have added to the alliteration in the title. As I said, he is a classy guy. And a great cycling friend: I’ve been riding with him regularly since 1999. I don’t ever remember him having four flats total during all those years, let along 4 flats in about 2 miles. I was glad I could help him out with supplies and by finding the problem which he had missed. Maybe I put some karma in the bank for the next time I have mechanical troubles. Karma and prayer candles lit in French cathedrals make a good combination.