Shrink to Fit

Now that summer is here I have gone into my full BBQ grilling mode. I fire up the grill once or twice each week. I’m no pit master but I do a fair job with a few items. I almost always get steaks right. Burgers or our delicious homemade sausages taste wonderful hot off of the grill. I do a mean pork tenderloin using a combination of direct and indirect heat and a rub I found on the internet. Boneless chicken breasts or thighs get the direct heat treatment, while pork ribs or a bone-in turkey breast use the indirect heat method. And my grilled lamb chops are to die for, if you like lamb. And don’t forget the grilled vegetables, particularly the asparagus.

I have never owned a gas grill. I use charcoal only. This is a little more work and adds a little more uncertainty to the process. You really have to take into account the weather and what you are cooking, otherwise you can end up with too much heat, or worse, not enough.

I also do not use lighter fluid. I’m no environmental alarmist, but even I think the petrochemical odor of the stuff detracts from the pre-cooking libation I’m enjoying while building the fire. So I use a chimney starter with some old newspapers for the ignition source.

We save old newspapers for this precise use. And back in the day when we farmed and could burn pruning residue or dead trees and stumps, we used lots of newspaper with small dry branches to get the fire started. Tending the fire on a cold winter day was a great job. The heat warmed your face and hands and felt wonderful against the chilly air.

We went ‘digital’ last year, but my parents still take both the local paper and the WSJ, so I have an ongoing fuel supply.

Because the newest papers get put on the top of the stack, I operate on a ‘last in, first out’ system to select which issue to consign to the pyre. But the other day I reached to the bottom of the pile of papers and was startled to see the issue was dated August 8, 2005!

I looked this antique over and noticed some things right away. The size of the pages was larger. And there were more pages with many more features than today’s version. There was a business section and an expanded sports section, and more local stories by actual local reporters. How quaint!

But what really caught my eye was the crossword puzzle. Take a look:

The 2005 puzzle is 2.5 times larger than its 2021 counterpart. The clues are easier to read and the squares are easier to fill in. And if you have to erase (I always have to erase) the 2005 paper is of higher quality and doesn’t smear, while the 2021 paper is a mess every time you have to rethink a clue.

There is a computer print menu command called “Shrink to Fit” which takes the selected material and reduces it so it fits on a single page. As the newspaper business has contracted I suggest ‘Shrink to Fit’ has become their business model. Get your reading glasses ready and try not to make any crossword puzzle errors.