From Still Life With Woodpecker by Tom Robbins:

Albert Camus wrote that the only serious question is whether to kill yourself or not.
Tom Robbins wrote that the only serious question is whether time has a beginning and an end. Camus clearly got up on the wrong side of bed, and Robbins must have forgotten to set the alarm.
There is only one serious question. And that is: Who knows how to make love stay?

Tom Robbins wrote Still Life With Woodpecker in 1980, and I read it as soon as it came out in paperback. I’m old enough to remember when the hardcover ($$$) edition came out first, and the paperback followed later when the money that could be extracted from hardcover sales became a trickle instead of a river. And e-books hadn’t even been conceived. Kindle and Amazon were decades away.

Significantly, I read it about the time Stoker and I started to date. Well before we got married. When we did get married in 1983 we set out on a journey to try to answer this ‘only one serious question’. We may not have found the exact solution, but we have made a good first approximation.

This year we celebrate our 39th anniversary, and for some reason this number seems so much larger than 38 did to me a year ago. Heavens, we are approaching 4 decades together!

Despite a pretty good track record at finding the answer to the only question that matters, I am always on the lookout for tips and techniques that could aid in promoting marital harmony. For instance, I recall this advice from Robert Heinlein’s novel Time Enough For Love (1973). His character, Lazarus Long, kept a notebook of what he learned during his long life. His succinct advice for a happy marriage: “Rub her feet”. Husbands, take my word for it, that one works.

This week Pope Francis chimed in. He says the three most important words in a marriage are the ones in the headline below. He forgot “Yes” which is what successful husbands and wives both find themselves saying a lot, even if they would rather say ‘no’.

From a Belizean street market to the Vatican, advice to answer the one serious question.

Then there was the advice from the pastor of The Living Word Church in San Pedro Town, Belize. We saw his TV sermon on the local access cable channel in our air conditioned hotel room with an ocean view. We really rough it in the tropics.

The Church still exists and they are on Facebook!

Stoker (actually this is pre-Stoker, since this was in 2004 and our tandem days were all in the future) and I were sipping Belikin Beer and listing to this wise man tell wives “The husband is gonna drink the water. If he don’t drink water on the property, he gonna go off the property. You gotta make sure he stay on the property to drink the water”. He had similar advice for the husbands, saying “If you don’t stay on the property to drink you gonna get tainted water and bring it home to the wife and your family and the property and poison the well”. We were pretty sure he wasn’t talking about hydration…

Lazarus Long, Pope Francis and the Belizean pastor have all offered good advice. And Stoker and I are going to try to keep finding the answer to the one serious question. Here is one possibility: Get a pizza to go from Pizza Guys. When I pick it up and choose the flavor of the free ice cream that comes with it, I pick Stoker’s favorite. When she picks up the pizza she chooses my favorite flavor. Select your spouse’s favorite flavor, and that will make love stay…

Someone suggested that I drop the subject of masks. I certainly aim to please my 10 readers, so how about opera? The one Jeopardy category I occasionally do well at. We’ll start with Un Ballo in Maschera…

Only kidding folks. There was a time before we started tandem riding that Stoker and I spent quite a few nights at the opera. And afternoons too.

My first exposure to opera came from the 1980’s film Amadeus. Prior to that all I knew about the subject was from a Marx Brothers’ film and the famous sports quote attributed to NBA coach Dick Motta; “The opera isn’t over until the fat lady sings”. Sexist, weightist, and body shaming by today’s wokeness standards of course.

Amadeus piqued my interest, and the next step was to see a television production of Don Giovanni on PBS. That hooked me. We went to see a our first live performance, a production of Cosi Fan Tutte by Townsend Opera Players (TOPS), a local company in Modesto. Cosi has what I still think is the most beautiful music of any opera.

It is hard to believe how much Stoker and I got into this. We were season ticket holders and fairly big donors for TOPS. Ditto for Stockton Opera. I was even on the TOPS Board of Directors for a while. We also bought season tickets to Sacramento Opera. We bought tickets to 4 operas each year at War Memorial to see the The San Francisco Opera, a world famous company. We even took consecutive summer vacations in Santa Fe to attend a couple of performances by Santa Fe Opera in their spectacular outdoor theater.

When we were going to attend an opera I was unfamiliar with, I would read the story and pay attention to the characters before the show. At a production of Idomeneo in Santa Fe, I came to realize not everyone did the same thing. There is a moment of high drama in the last act where Ilia intervenes to offer herself for sacrifice to the Gods instead of Idomeneo. Her dramatic entrance, throwing herself on the sacrificial altar, was met with laughter from the audience. I cringed.

We drifted away from opera. First we stopped going to SF, because it was too much hassle. I got more into cycling which made Sunday Matinees less attractive because I wanted to do club rides most weekends. And evening performances never ended before 11 pm, which seemed much later than it did when we were in our early 40’s.

But what really put me off was a performance of Cosi in Sacramento. Cosi has wonderful music, as I said. It is also a ‘cautionary tale told with humor’ about men and women, and how one lover is interchangeable with another. But the director of this production decided to turn it into something resembling an episode of the TV show ‘Friends’. This is a PG rated blog, so all I will say is that a lot of the singing took place while kneeling and looking at someone’s waistline.

Socially staid types like me have to be tolerant if we are to enjoy the beautiful music and moving stories of opera, since most of the attendees are of a more liberal mindset. I left my politics, which are not left, at home. But I decided that this excessively lurid treatment of Cosi was too much. So our last live opera was the same as our first. As Mimi sings in Act III of La Boheme, “Addio, senza rancor“.

On my first visit to Raley’s since Newsom’s new mask mandate, the store policy was clear. Not just a small sign posted on the door either; someone with very good chalk calligraphy skills had been at work.

Remember the TV commercial you see every holiday season “Clap on (clap clap), Clap off (clap off), The Clapper! ? Reminds me of the masking situation…

Compliance in Raley’s was pretty good. Only a few bare faces, the usual 20% with mouths covered but nostrils open, and the rest of us, including me, completely covered. Notice I do not say ‘protected’.

My next trip into a grocery was at Orlando’s in Linden. Our bike club ride stopped there on Sunday after riding 20 miles from Lodi into the south east wind. Orlando’s is only about 12 miles from my Morada Raley’s.

If Orlando’s had a ‘Masks on” sign posted it was in very small print. But I covered my face anyway and walked in. It was a shock. There were two clerks, both all smiles greeting customers. I could see their smiles! I looked around and could find nary a customer with any face covering anywhere.

Except for one of my fellow riders, who not only was masked up but was sporting a real N95 medical version. I’m not really great friends with this rider, but I don’t want to have any unnecessary arguments in person. So I stayed masked up, risking ridicule from the locals who were ignoring the mandate.

The masked rider paid for his coffee and went outside as I was pouring my coffee and choosing my sandwich. With the possibility of being nagged by the masked man gone, I opted to join the rest of the Linden residents and take off my mask and smile at the clerk who was in such a good mood.

Our little group of brave riders, risking wind and rain predicted for early afternoon, sat together outside in a covered patio, unmasked, sipping coffee and eating energy bars (I had a sandwich instead). I seriously doubt the virus was less a menace where we were than inside the store. If it was actually any kind of menace in either place. But mask protocol/mandate says masks on inside except when eating/drinking, while masks off outside is okay. Patio qualifies as ‘outside’, methinks.

This is how I have chosen to navigate mask-etiquette situations for now. Take my cues from what the people around me are doing and do likewise. Go thou and…

Facebook can be like staring at the aftermath of a car crash. You are horrified at the tragic scene but you can’t look away…

Still there are parts of FB I really like. Kid pictures, pet pictures, food pictures, travel pictures. There is a handy feature to block posts from political promoters, so you only have to see nonsense from groups like “People for Left Handed Rights and Right Handed Lefts” only once. And to my FB friends, if you are sharing posts from these types of hucksters, let me ask why? And assure you no one cares what the “Society for Chihuahua Size Equity” thinks about anything.

Recently FB has started reminding me that “I have memories” and then shows me posts I put on my timeline on this date in previous years. There is a certain melancholy aspect to this. Stoker and I are almost always smiling, which you can see because we are not wearing masks. And we are often far from home, in France or on a cruise or a cross country train trip, which isn’t happening now either.

But a couple of my FB friends, who are real life friends too, have pushed the envelope by posting scatological information:

I’m not quite sure why these two, who I have allowed to remain anonymous, decided to publicize their porcelain, but they did. Should I post pictures of the next septic tank pumping on Brumby Road? Or blog about it? I admit I will do almost anything to attract readers and followers and ‘likes’. But Stoker tells me to make poopsie if I must, but leave her out of it…

Economics was given the moniker “The Dismal Science” by Scottish essayist and historian Thomas Carlyle. Carlyle was said to have been inspired by T. R. Malthus’ gloomy prediction that population would always grow faster than food, dooming mankind to unending poverty and hardship. The accuracy of this prediction is typical of economic forecasts to this very day.

John Maynard Keynes famous economist and deficit spending advocate, opined that “In the long run we are all dead”. Certainly true, and a cheery thought to consider this holiday season. Feeling a little too good celebrating with loved ones? Keynes can fix that.

Food shortages don’t seem to be much of a problem, but rising prices, aka “Inflation” are much in the news these days. Here is a graph of the CPI for the last 60 years.

Since July the CPI has been running up about 5 to 7% year over year. This is much higher than the relatively price stable years from 1990 to 2021, but it pales in comparison to the inflation experienced in the US from 1974 until 1984. For a time in 1979 the US had inflation approaching 15%, which is getting close to hyperinflation levels. See Germany post WW1, when workers actually got paid twice a day so they could go out and spend the money before it became even more worthless. People needed wheelbarrows of currency simply to try to purchase bread.

Those were great times, from 1974 to 1980. Gas lines and oil embargoes and price controls. Mortgage rates got to 19% or so. That is not a misprint. Money market funds and short term Treasuries were yielding about 10%, but the purchasing power of your investment was still going backwards.. Unemployment was high, housing prices soared, and a new economic term entered the lexicon, “Stagflation”. The famous Phillips Curve shifted all over the place, and the dismal science was living up to its reputation.

Of course, everyone thinks that the CPI significantly understates the ‘cost of living’. Mostly because right now gasoline and heating oil and natural gas and electricity are all more than 30% higher than last year. Grocery prices are up almost as much. Medicare Part B premiums are going up 14.5% in 2022, and while I haven’t seen the cost of my supplemental policy yet I imagine it will go up at least that much. Somebody has got to pay for all these free COVID tests and vaccines.

Economists have plenty of explanations for why inflation occurs, but none of them work unless there is some underlying increase in the money supply. Here is the accounting identity that becomes a theory with a few assumptions. And you know what they say happens when you assume something…

Central to monetarism is the equation MV = PQ. … The equation suggests that if V is constant and M is increasing, there must be an increase in either Q or P. Accordingly, monetary policymakers can control inflation by allowing the money supply (M) to grow no faster than the desired rate of economic growth 

Now what happened in the United States, and indeed in most developed economies, is that when the pandemic hit and businesses and economic activity were shut down, governments ‘created money’ (don’t get me started on that one, we’ll be taking Gold Standard next) to try to stave off a depression. Didn’t work; I’ve been depressed since this thing started and it’s getting worse.

M went up. A lot. Remember those $1500 deposits that showed up in your checking accounts? There was lots of money being magically created and distributed. You could even apply for funeral cost assistance if the victim died from COVID! See my blog article https://freehtt.org/2021/05/05/death-discrimination/

All this created money was going to chase a relatively fixed amount of goods and services. In the short run (not the fatal long run) the supply of goods and services is pretty much fixed. It takes time to adjust production schedules and logistics and deliveries. Assuming Q fixed and V constant, then M goes up and so does P. Presto, inflation!

I have no idea if inflation is going to continue or not. The Federal Reserve has indicated they are going to raise short term interest rates 2 or 3 times next year to try to slow the growth of the money supple and price inflation to the ‘healthy’ level of 2-3%. But if you are going to the gas station or grocery store, brace yourself.

Masks are required at all times on commercial airline flights. Our masters have so decreed, and apparently the Constitution and Bill of Rights do not apply to facial coverings on FAA regulated transportation.

But liberal, African American members of Congress appear to be exempt:

No air hostess dictator yelled at her, but she would have excoriated me if I dared pull the mask below my nose. Ms. Waters was not threatened with arrest as I would have been if I had done the same thing.

Is it any surprise that some of us are extremely upset that we are being treated like criminals when the very people imposing the idiotic rules ignore them?

It’s me…remember I follow the rules and pay my taxes, and it is almost time for another installment.

I’ve been getting some push back on my cavalier attitude toward the pandemic in general and masks in particular. And I’m really after the politicians and public health ‘officials’ (who are often politicians too) who are micromanaging our lives.

Remember when Doctor Fauci told us one mask was good, and two masks, with one of them an N95 medical mask, was even better? Two weeks to flatten the curve? Someone chided me by quoting a CDC study and implying I might not believe it. Based on past public health proclamations I have cause.

The first 4 days of Mask Up Part 2 were interesting. Costco compliance was pretty good, even though at least 1 out of 5 people opted for exposed nostrils and un-fogged glasses. The only other two public buildings I entered were Jon’s Mini Mart in Martell and Pizza Guys in Lodi. At Jon’s none of the staff and very few of the customers were masked up. Also there was no “Masks Required” sign on the door. When in Rome…ditto for Pizza Guys. It is take out or delivery only, so there weren’t a lot of customers, but the staff was bare faced and there was no sign on the door.

The Sunday club ride stopped at the Fruit Bowl. Everyone inside had a mask on, so I pulled my balaclava over my mouth and nose when I got my coffee. And then, like everyone else, pulled it down to take a sip. The balaclava works as well as a cloth mask, which is what most people were wearing. And it helps keep my bare head warm, which on Sunday was very helpful. 41 degrees and foggy! Sometimes I question my cycling sanity.

And now there is this…

A microchip technology introduced in recent years by the Stockholm-based startup, Epicenter, is being presented as a means to store one’s COVID-19 vaccine passport under the skin, according to a video from the South China Post that went viral Friday.

A company is developing chips to embed in HUMANS so that their vaccine status can be checked by a scanner! Does anyone out there think this is a good idea? Remind anyone of anything? Use your imagination…

The state of California’s new mask mandate for indoor spaces goes into effect Wednesday. The guidance was announced by state health authorities on Monday and requires masks to be worn in all indoor public settings — regardless of an individual’s vaccine status — for the next four weeks.

Anyone want to bet that four weeks from now we will be allowed to remove them? This has been going on for almost two years.

The words chosen by our government authorities are starting to irk me almost as much as covering my fully vaccinated and boostered face does.

Consider that this is called a ‘mandate’, while in the very next sentence we learn that ‘guidance’ was announced by health officials. This ‘guidance’ REQUIRES masks. The word ‘guidance’ means suggestions or advice. ‘Requirements’ and ‘mandates’ are not suggestions.

There’s more…from Dr. Fauci, who utters a lot of words without saying anything.

And so, the message remains clear: If you are unvaccinated get vaccinated and, particularly in the arena of omicron, if you are fully vaccinated, get your booster shot,” he stated. 

If a person needs a booster shot, then how can that person be considered ‘fully vaccinated’? Just sayin’…

So on the first day of Mask Mandate Redux I went to Costco. There was an employee at the door handing out masks to anyone who didn’t have one. This person was probably also charged with reminding patrons of the Guidance Mandate. That is a job for a very tactful individual.

Most people inside, including me, were masked up, but the majority of us were wearing rather loose fitting and almost comfortable (on a cold day at least) cloth masks instead of the paper ones, and there was nary a medical N95 in sight. I tried this cloth mask trick at the SF Airport last August, and no one bothered me until I tried to board the AF Flight to Paris. The nice gate agent made me switch to a paper version.

At Costco about 20% or the people had their mouths covered, but their noses were free to transmit and ingest the pesky virus that no doubt was everywhere floating around looking for a home. And of course there were a few scofflaws with bare faces. Can you be considered a scofflaw if you ignore guidance? Inquiring minds…

It is hard enough to find items in Costco without foggy glasses. I accidentally discovered a new way to deal with that problem. If you inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth your glasses will stay clear! How come the CDC or the CA Health Department didn’t offer me that hint? They seem to have ‘guidance’ for everything else.

Remember that I broke a spoke on my old HED Ardennes rear wheel? I happen to have spare spokes, because I have taken those wheels on trips and you never know if you can find a replacement far from home.

I took the wheel to a bike shop to be repaired. I got it back in a couple of days. But before I put the tire and cassette back on the wheel I decided to try an experiment.

Mark Stemmy , owner of OCS, was going to pick up my Zipp wheels for a re-optimization. He last worked on them something like 10 years ago. He agreed to take a look at the freshly shop-trued HED wheel at the same time.

I didn’t quite know what to expect, but here is the result:

The left picture shows the spoke tension when the wheel came back from the shop. The right picture shows spoke tension after Mark adjusted them. The standard deviation went from 19.9 kgf to 8.8 kgf on the drive side (R) and from 17.0 kgf to 5.0 kgf on the non-drive side (L).

I’m not criticizing anyone here. I don’t really know how important it is for a wheel to have even spoke tension. But I do know that I want MY wheels to have even spoke tension.

Servicing a wheel the way OCS does it takes time and costs money. At least double what a shop charges. It is worth it to me to know that the person working on my equipment really wants to do it right, the way I would if I had the skill and tools. I have neither, which is why I’m glad OCS exists.

Long ago I paid for a life membership in the Cal Aggie Alumni Association. If I had known the direction my alma mater would take in subsequent years I would have saved my money.

First some wisdom from American Musical Theater Classics, soon to be cancelled, from Annie Get Your Gun:

My tiny baby brother, who’s never read a book,
Knows one sex from the other,
All he had to do was look

Wrong Wrong Wrong! There are at least 50 sexes, and they all have their own pronouns.

So today I got an e mail from my Aggie Alumni Association asking for money and featuring a Filipinx student success story. Which was also spelled Pilipinx in the same paragraph.

I have been dimly aware that the term ‘Latino’ has been under fire lately. In Spanish a word ending in ‘o’ is masculine, while a wording in ‘a’ is feminine. If want to refer to a group of men, you say ‘ellos’, which means ‘them’. If the group is entirely female, you use ‘ellas’. And if the group contains both men and women, and I suppose any of the other 48 genders, Spanish grammar says ‘ellos’ is correct usage.

This blatant sexism in language does not sit well with the woke crowd, and they have offered up the term ‘latinx’ as a gender neutral alternative. Not every ‘latinx’ is pleased with this. But this sterilization of language seems be catching on, at least with university alumni associations.

There was a Filipino who used to glean walnuts from our fields after harvest, and if he still came around I would like to know his views on the subject. I do know his views on pet goats however. He took one look at the pampered animals in our back yard and said “you wanna sell, I buy!”. I told him they were pets, which didn’t register with him at all.

If the new standard is to replace all the words in romance languages ending in ‘o’ or ‘a’ with a trailing ‘x’ a whole bunch of beautiful music is going to disappear. Bésame Muchx just isn’t as romantic.

One of my favorite terms of affection for Stoker, besides ‘Stoker’, is to call her esposa. Esposo means husband and esposa means wife. Such beautiful words, much more suited to romantic talk than their English counterparts. But since they are limited to two gender roles (see the lyric above) I suppose they have to be replaced.

The new PC Spanish word will be esposx. Pronounce this and it will sound like something you can find splashed all over the internet if your ‘safe search’ feature is disabled.