Today is Valentines Day. After 43 years together and 41 years of marital bliss, Stoker and I are well past the flowers and candy stage. Although I foresee a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in our near future.
Hearts and Flowers and Candy non, Champagne oui!
I recently learned that some couples with a shorter history are using tests to see if they really care about each other. They are also posting videos on Instagram and Tik Tok and inviting comments on whether he/she/they/ze really cares about me based on the results. I read about this in the Wall Street Journal, of all places.
One example: The Orange Peel Test:
The videos typically begin when a woman (the tester is almost always female; the tested, male) asks her boyfriend for an orange: peeled, please. His response, ideally, is “Yes, dear.” He stops whatever he’s doing, even if he’s deep in work or running out in a hurry, and soon presents ready-to-eat citrus. (Clementines count.)
Stoker and I almost never ask each other to peel an orange for them. We tend not to wait on each other unless one of us is feeling poorly. Occasionally when we are sipping coffee in the morning, one of us will get up and offer to bring the other a refill. Every time she does this I feel just a bit uncomfortable at the personal service. There are things I will ask Stoker for, but a coffee refill isn’t one of them.
Another example:
In the bird test, someone notices, say, a bird out the window and bids his or her partner to come look. Failing to spring to the beloved’s side suggests, according to the online peanut gallery, not caring about small things that matter to the other person.
There is at least one small thing that matters to me that I certainly hope Stoker cares about, at least occasionally.
Those are but two of the ‘love litmus tests’ gaining traction online. Another is the so called ‘ketchup test’ which is too ridiculous for me to describe here. Again quoting the WSJ:
TikTok users and Instagrammers post videos of their partners’ passes and fails. Far from scientific—or even fair—these tests give people bragging rights, and the latest way to put every aspect of life online for approval.
I feel fortunate that I reached maturity without ever having a social media account and worrying about what the internet ‘community’ thinks about some kind of test of the health of Stoker’s and my relationship. I think I’ll let 41 years and something like 30,000 miles of tandem cycling speak for themselves.
Peel me an orange and look at this bird, non. Pedal in tandem, oui!
Rich Freggiaro Cycling Blog 